“A real conversation always contains an invitation. You are inviting another person to reveal herself or himself to you, to tell you who they are or what they want.”

– David Whyte

Studies show that conversation has a significant benefit to your happiness. As a result, conversations build trust while strengthening relationships. They also benefit your health and wellbeing.  

Good conversations flow freely when you exchange your thoughts and ideas. You feel comfortable and put others at ease. Use these skills regularly to sustain an authentic informative conversation and keep it going. 

Six skills for better conversations to practice and master.

Building these skills will improve the quality of your conversations, build deeper relationships and help you leave a good impression on new people you meet.

Create a safe space.

Make it safe for the other person and the conversation. Show that you care. Building trust is essential for good conversations. Ask good questions, listen to their answers and respond appropriately. More about these three below…

Ask questions.

To begin a conversation or have the conversation continue, you need to ask some well-crafted questions. Ask questions to help you find common areas with the other person. Use questions to come up with a topic to discuss when you don’t know what to talk about. Questions can help you get to know the other person by demonstrating interest. Or they can spark dialog.

Some questions work better than others in building a conversation. Closed-ended questions usually have one answer, often is a “yes” or “no” or perhaps a date or name or some number. Usually the conversation ends there. Then you must come up with another idea to keep it going or let the conversation die.

Open-ended questions on the other hand, have more complex answers that provide fuel for the conversation to evolve and move. Be like a good reporter – use the 5 W’s as a starting place.

The Five W’s are: Who? What? When? Where? Why? Set up your question in a way that allows for more than one answer. This gets people thinking and shows that you want a discussion, not just information. 

Examples are questions like, “What do you think will happen when…” or “What types of things do you do when….” This type of question opens the door for all types of possibilities. 

Listen.

Listen to their responses. Pay attention to what they say. It takes work. We have so much chatter going on in our heads that distracts us from what others are saying. You’re thinking about our to-do list, about how you’re going to respond, or when the waiter will bring your meal. You have to shut off the mental noise. 

Convey that you are listening by using appropriate facial expressions, making eye contact, not fidgeting, occasionally nodding and by simply replying to or referencing something they said.

Respond with a related comment.

Be relevant. Relax and let go of any pre-set agenda you may have had. Simply be present and relaxed. Your words will come easily when needed. It’s fine to pause and think before you make a comment. You could say, “I never thought of it that way” or “I need to think about that” if you can’t think of something to say. Or ask another question. 

Share about yourself.

Be willing to be a bit vulnerable. Share a little about yourself and encourage others to do the same. Get over any self-consciousness or fear of rejection. Everyone is worth knowing and our voices are worth hearing. It doesn’t mean you have to share your greatest struggle or bare everything about yourself. Just share enough that the other person gets to see that you are a real person. Tell a story about yourself, share some personal background and leave the clichés out of the conversation. 

You want to give the other person some part of you to connect to. Giving and taking are necessary in every part of your life, in business and personal relationships. The most beneficial conversations should leave all parties feeling as if you received as much, or more, than you gave. 

And finally…please…

Keep your phone out of sight.

Little is worse than trying to have a conversation with someone who constantly looks down at their phone. It’s a conversation killer.

Use these skills to begin building better conversations with others. The art of conversation doesn’t have to be difficult or intimidating. It’s simply an exchange of shared information.

Now for a conversation invitation…

You are hereby invited to join us in conversations with our free monthly Gallant Leader™ Community Coaching Calls. Register now to join the July 2020 call. If you would like to join us every month, please let us know and we will add you to the list.