Q: Any recommendations on how best to use “silence” in negotiations?

A: ZIP IT!!

Silence in negotiation is a powerful tool when you use it purposefully.

This Week’s Question comes from a participant in the Negotiate Naturally: Tips for Women Entrepreneurs webinar I led earlier this week for the Women’s Enterprise Center.

Human nature wants to fill a silence, especially in our largely extroverted western culture. In conversation, silence feels uncomfortable to many. Even in nature, many find silence unfamiliar and uncomfortable and feel compelled to play music. We are used to noise, the sound of ours and others’ voices.

However, “silence is golden” is still true. Rare, valuable and powerful. Especially when used strategically in negotiation.

Recognize your own impulse to rush in to fill a silence, as well as how it can be helpful to you when others fill your silence.

The key with using any behaviour, tactic, or strategy is to match it to your goal or objective (which you have prepared, right? ;0)

How to use silence in negotiation to reach your goal:

1. Show your disagreement. Silence can indicate your displeasure with an offer, or that you are thinking about it. Pause. Don’t say anything for a bit. The other person may fill that silence with a justification, explanation, or even another better offer, as they may have assumed your silence indicates displeasure or disagreement. However, beware of your own tendency to do the same!
2. Show your strength. Once you have stated what you want, just STOP. Stay silent to let your offer or ask sink in. Don’t rush in and fill up the silence with justifications, explanations or attempts to convince. Just ZIP IT. Pause. Wait. Let them come back with their answer.

When you fill the silence after you ask, you risk doing two things.

First, you take up space they may need to process your ask, to think about it. You may have surprised them and they need a moment to craft their response. If you fill the silence, you may deny them an opportunity to come to your side on their own.

Second, you inadvertently dilute your ask. What if it’s good enough on its own? By rushing in and filling the silence, you could signal that you don’t believe in it yourself! That you are justifying your ask out loud because you don’t really believe you deserve it or trust that it is possible for them to give.

Prime yourself to stand for your ask with confidence. Ask for it. then just stop.

Zip it.

Try it out.

Let us know in the comments how silence has worked for you!