Tag Archives: self-worth

7 Signs You Could Be Under-Earning

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Are you Under-Earning?

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You might be under earning – earning less than your worth – even if you make over six figures!

How do you know if you are?  There are several signs of under-earning, some common and some not so common.

Barbara Stanny defines an Under-Earner as “someone who makes less than she needs or desires despite efforts to do otherwise.”

Red Alert! Before you read further, I want you to stop. Even if you already recognize yourself here, be kind to yourself. Do not label yourself as an “under-earner”. Focus instead on the signs of under-earning behaviours. Because you can shift and even swap them out for more self-affirming behaviours that will move you closer to earning your true worth.

I collected quite a list of signs of under-earning behaviour from what I hear from my clients, in my speaking engagements and through informal surveys – and I’m going to share the Top Signs of Under-Earning with you over the next few weeks. I’m also going to share some tips that will empower you to overcome these signs of under-earning.

Empowerment begins with Awareness. Awareness of both your strengths and blind spots – where you may not be experiencing the results you could.

Let’s begin raising that awareness today.

Notice which of these signs show up in your life. You might be surprised!

7 Signs You Could Be Under-Earning:

Checkmark greenYou KNOW you are worth more than you are being paid. You’re just not sure how to prove that. You find it difficult to articulate what your worth is exactly, and are baffled how others seem to do it.

Checkmark greenYour strengths, talents or genius are your “best kept secret”. You often hear others say, “I didn’t know you could do that!” or, “I didn’t know you were an expert in that!”

Checkmark greenYou keep getting passed over for promotions or business opportunities. You see others getting ahead who are less qualified than you.

Checkmark greenYou are not working in your “Genius Zone” 80% of the time. Most of the time you do work that you could delegate or stop doing altogether. You could be leveraging your time doing what you are really good at, that comes easy for you, and has the biggest impact.

Checkmark greenYou sit on the outside ring at important meetings, gravitating to the social crowd rather than the influencer crowd. It’s easier to sit at the back and socialize with your peers, than to put yourself “out there”, sit in the hot seat at the Big Table. You shy away from standing out.

Checkmark greenYou stay in your “comfort zone” and don’t take any risks. You’ve been hurt or penalized before, and you don’t want to experience that again.

Each of these signs of under-earning is a symptom of the #1 Sign of Under-Earning on today’s list:

Checkmark greenYou are not Shining Your Light.

Rather than getting help (coaching, mentoring, training) to boost your capacity to handle difficult of situations that challenge you (having a difficult conversation, standing up for yourself, asking or negotiating for something), you hang back where it’s comfortable and stay small.

By being the Shrinking Violet rather than risking being cut down as a Tall Poppy, you are also shrinking from opportunities for others to SEE you, to see what you are capable of, to see your Genius.

If you are waiting for them to notice you…well if you are playing small, how can they? Find a way to let them know what you are up to.

If you think this is bragging, and you don’t want to “brag”, then re-think. Re-frame it as “sharing”. You’re already good at sharing right? Share what you are doing, what you are capable of, what you have achieved. HELP them to notice YOU.

Shining your light is not about being alone in the spotlight (although that’s okay too!). It’s about allowing your true self, your authentic self, your one wild and precious* self to shine. It’s about not dimming your own light.

Isn’t it time?

It is.

It’s time to stop under-earning. To start doing something that you CAN do right now.

What is one step you could take this week that would shine your light, just a little bit more?

Share your plans in the comments box below.

If you resonate with one or more of these signs of under-earning or struggle with negotiating for your worth, I’m offering one of my E.A.R.N. Your Worth™ Breakthrough Session right now, on a first come, first served basis. With Gender Pay Day approaching in April, I’d like to help some people who know they’re in this situation and are up for shining their light, asking for or negotiating their true worth.

If you want one of these sessions, shoot me an email and let me know what you’re struggling with. Tell me a little bit about your situation, why you should get one of these sessions and we’ll book it.

 

*Acknowledgement to the delightful Mary Oliver and her poem Summer: “What will you do with your one wild and precious life?”

Contract Negotiation Basics for IT Consultants

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I was interviewed recently by Insureon for my contract negotiation tips for IT Consultants.  I was impressed by the listening skills of my interviewer, Joshua Scott, as  he captured my comments accurately. Here is the article posted on Insureon’s blog:

Client Contract Negotiation Basics for IT Consultants

Insureon Blog

Talking with people can be scary. Talking with business people over an important contract can be really scary. But you don’t have to be a cutthroat, high-powered, $1000-suit-wearing type to excel at the art of negotiation. In fact, the average IT consultant should be able to wheel and deal well enough to secure good contracts throughout their career.

Don’t know how?

Carrie Gallant (@GallantLeader), negotiation expert and president of The Gallant Leader and Gallant Solutions Inc., offers advice for how IT consultants can better negotiate a fair and beneficial contract with their clients. One benefit of getting better at negotiating? You’re less likely to need to make a claim on your IT consultant insurance.

When Negotiating IT Contracts, Clarity is Key

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3 Ways Your Mindset is Holding Your Success Hostage

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Guest Post by Melanie Benson Strick

 

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Even though you are doing everything right – you have your plan, schedule your day with activities designed to move you closer to your goal, hire the best coach to motivate and inspire you – you just can’t seem to get into focused action.

A gremlin has been activated and is feeding your mind all kinds of crazy thoughts about your goal.

Maybe you recognize this gremlin’s message? It often sounds something like:

“This is going to be WAY too hard! Are you frickin crazy? You are already way too busy how can you possibly think about pursuing that goal!”

“There is no way this is going to work. Who am I to think that I could ever be that successful? That kind of money/success is for other people, not me!”

“I’d lose my friends/family/lover/self-respect if I made that kind of money. It’s not worth it.”

“What if it doesn’t work? What will people think? What if I lose everything I have now and I’m a complete failure?”

Ah the gremlin voice in our head has taken over and that goal has become enemy #1. Your go-getter (that part of you that really wants to achieve your goal) isn’t willing to give up that easily though and goes to war with your gremlin. The go-getter can see all the cool stuff that will happen when you achieve the goal. “We’ll have more money to enjoy life and expand our impact!” “Won’t it be nice when we have more credibility in the marketplace?” Because these two parts of you are at war you feel stuck. You are officially in a holding pattern and it feels miserable.

Here’s what’s going on at a deeper level. Either you:

1) Have a limiting belief about what’s possible for yourself, or
2) Are avoiding a fear of “what might happen”, or
3) There are two desires that seem to be in conflict with each other.

Amazingly, that gremlin gets activated every time you try to move forward until you learn how to make peace between these two parts of your mind.

Depending on which one of these three issues is the culprit, you’d use a different techniques to eradicate the war inside. Most people have heard a lot of about dealing with fears and limiting but most people don’t know much about conflicting desires.

If the pursuit of one goal feels in conflict with another desire, need or goal, we have to find the win-win where both can be achieved peacefully.

You have to train your mind to seek out the bigger opportunity where BOTH desires can be met. Our fears and limitations tend to guide our thoughts towards a safe place where one of the desires (usually the one that feels safer) is met.

Think: Is there an outcome where I can have both desires met?

When you find that picture in your mind, you’ll uncover a level of motivation where you feel and become unstoppable!

About the Author: Melanie Benson Strick, America’s Leading Small Business Optimizer, guides thought leaders and creative entrepreneurs to achieve optimum success by eliminating unconscious barriers.

Rewired Book

Grab a free copy of Melanie’s money mindset book, Rewired for Wealth, today at bitly.com/R4Wealth.

The Legend of The Tall Poppy

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Have you heard about The Tall Poppy?

She grew from a small poppy, just like all the other poppies in the field. Just like them, she was colourful, graceful, delicate even – yet strong as she gently bent with the breeze. As she grew tall, she kept reaching up to the brilliant sun. Even on cloudy days, she kept reaching up. She knew she was meant to be tall, to reach higher.

Soon she found herself growing a little bit taller than the other poppies.  She didn’t mind, she was only reaching for the sun, after all. The sun that shined on her brilliant colours, basked her in its warmth and radiated her joy in Being a Poppy.

After a time The Tall Poppy stood out.

The other poppies were similar in height, small compared to The Tall Poppy. They noticed how much taller she was, and saw her as different. Who did she think she was? Didn’t she know about the mean birds? Didn’t she know they would swoop down and cut her head off? 

And so they told her. Don’t get too big for your britches!! She thought: What the heck are “britches“?

After another time, The Tall Poppy saw what happened to the other Tall Poppy – way out there in the next field, tormented by mean birds – and began to duck her pretty head, to shrink her size as much as she could. If I don’t stand out so much, maybe I’ll be safe!

Still she stood out from the other poppies, who worried The Tall Poppy would attract the attention of the mean birds to their field and attack them. And so they began to shy away from her, create distance.

The Tall Poppy began to feel isolated, alone.

The more the others leaned away from The Tall Poppy, the more she stood out – vulnerable to the ravages of the wind, the rain and the mean birds.

She didn’t want to be a Fall Poppy™ – you know, the one that takes the fatal hit? While others tsk, see that’s what happens when you get too big for your britches.

She tried to shrink even more, to hide her brilliant colours, to retreat from her beloved Sun. In fact, the more she tried to shrink herself, the more she forgot about the Sun, about how it gave her joy and illuminated her brilliance.

*Now lest you think this is a tragic tale – wait for it – the Turning Point is coming! And just like every Legend, the bounds of credulity will be stretched a teeny bit…*

Then one day, (*classic turning point* 😉 ) The Tall Poppy thought to herself: I just want to be ME! This isn’t who I am, who I am meant to be. I’m just Tall. That’s all.

And so, she began to reach back up into her full tall poppy-ness, to let her brilliant colours shine out and to bask in the joy of her beloved Sun again. Oh I have missed this! I never want to shrink away from my own glory again!

As The Tall Poppy revealed herself again, she found she grew even taller, even more brilliant, even more glorious!

But – still she was alone. The other poppies didn’t know what to make of her, what to think of her or say about her. Some were unkind. Perhaps they wished they could be as brave? Perhaps shine their own colours a wee bit more, as they reached for the Sun in their own way, in their own time?

Her sadness at being alone – toughing it out when the winds blew, dodging the mean birds when they flew – dimmed her light from time to time.

Then one day, (*classic turning point #2* :)) The Tall Poppy looked across at the other fields, noticing the other Tall Poppies standing alone in their fields. Each was surviving out there, alone.

She caught the eye of one of the Tall Poppies, who inclined her petals in acknowledgement – Yes, we do rather stand out, don’t we? (*I did tell you the bounds of credulity would be stretched a teeny bit…right?* 😉 )

Shall we stand out together? Shall we tell each other stories about how wonderful it is to reach for the Sun?

As The Tall Poppies found strength and solace in each other, knowing there where other tall poppies out in the other fields, they began to notice something they hadn’t expected. Some of the other poppies around them were standing taller, unfurling more, shining more of their brilliance up toward the Sun! They had been tall poppies too, pretending to be shrinking violets. Even the small poppies began to shine their own colours a bit brighter too.

The Tall Poppy began to notice something else too. The more tall poppies she hung out with, whether in their own field or across at other fields, the more The Tall Poppy thrived.

Think about it.

The End.

Tall Poppy

*If you liked this story, and would like to hear more about The Tall Poppy, and especially if you’re a Tall Poppy who wants to thrive with other Tall Poppies, sign up for early-bird notification of The Tall Poppy Revolution™!

Take a Holiday From Your Inner Critic

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Delighted to share this Guest Post from my friend and colleague, Tana Heminsley, over at Authentic Leadership Global.

This Holiday season, we invite you to step back from the sometimes frenetic pace of the visiting, the baking, the cooking, the shopping, and invite a little more ease and compassion into your space, into your inner world, into your relationship – with YourSELF.

One of the most insidious aspects of personality or ego that I’ve come across in my career as a coach, is the critical inner voice that hides deep within each of us. As distinct from our intuition, which is helpful in it’s guidance in our lives, Sarita Chawla, in this video shares how the inner critic can misguide us by keeping us small or holding us back.

It’s the inner voice that goes beyond constructive to be cruel and mean. It says “You’re not good enough”, “That was stupid”, “No one will like you” or “Work harder – you’re lazy”.

I think about the effects it’s having – on individuals, their families, their teams and organizations. And I imagine the possibility of a world where the mind naturally is kind in its orientation, rather than being naturally negatively oriented, as the author of Buddha’s Brain, Rick Hansen Ph.D., reminds us.

The inner critic, or the superego as described by A.H. Almaas in the workbook called “Working on the SuperEgo”, is a psychological construct – merely a thought.

It develops in our mind when we, as children, get a reaction where we feel shut down or shamed. It’s too painful for us to experience this reaction coming from others who love us, so we create a critical voice internally, “doing it” to ourselves first, which is less painful.

The Inner Critic feeds the individual and collective painbody and thus perpetuates negative energy in the world.  Eckhart Tolle talks about the unresolved, unhealed energy as the pain body in his blogpost in the Huffington Post (Eckhart Tolle, “Living in Presence with your emotional painbody”, Huffington Post, 10/6/2010.)

“There is such a thing as old emotional pain living inside you. It is an accumulation of painful life experience that was not fully faced and accepted in the moment it arose. It leaves behind an energy form of emotional pain. It comes together with other energy forms from other instances, and so after some years you have a “painbody,” an energy entity consisting of old emotion.”

What can you do about it?  How can you take a holiday from your Inner Critic?

It’s totally possible and worth the investment of your time.

I’ve been aware of and actively engaging with my Inner Critic for the past 10 years and here are a few things I’ve found that help:

  1. Cultivate resiliency – it will help to keep your inner critic at bay. On the days I have had a good sleep, eaten the right foods to build my energy rather than drain it, done a short meditation practice to quiet my mind, I notice I have much more perspective and can notice and more easily let go of the critical voice.
  2. Stop the cycle – as quickly as you become aware of the messages when they arise, become aware of what it’s saying, how it feels, and then see it for what it is. It’s just a thought – one you can choose in the moment to let go of.
  3. Self-manage to choose a different thought – Byron Katie’s groundbreaking work on the inner critic, focuses on reframing in the moment using 4 simple questions:
    • Is it true?
    • Can you absolutely know it’s true?
    • How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
    • Who would you be without that thought?
  4. Find your own way to take a holiday from your inner critic – for some, it’s helpful to be compassionate with the voice, once they become aware of where it came from (well-meaning parents, teachers or others who influenced us). For others they need to scream at it inside their mind (and sometimes out loud if they are in a place where they can yell), for others it’s about laughing at it as they realize how it no longer fits with their quest to be their authentic or best self.
  5. Imagine what your life would be like without it – reflect on how much energy you spend on managing your inner critic currently. How different would your life be if you spent just 10% less time on it. What would you do (or not do) with that unleashed energy and time?
  6. Practice daily – talk to yourself like you talk to your best friend. It says it all. Be kinder to you and you’ll be kinder to others.

Imagine a world where we all let go of our inner critics more of the time – that’s the world I’m striving for.

Tana Heminsley

Tana is an executive and entrepreneur with a passion for building businesses and developing leaders. As the founder of Authentic Leadership Global, Inc. she supports authenticity and emotional intelligence as business differentiators for 21st century leaders. Tana is also the author of the recently published book “Awaken your Authentic Leadership – Lead with Inner Clarity and Purpose“

 

Rich Thinking: Money, Work and Self-Worth

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Originally published March 12, 2012

Money, Work and Self-Worth

Heart and money

The title of the Careers column in this Saturday’s Globe and Mail Careers caught my eye over brunch: “Money, work and the value of self-worth: If you want financial independence, and recognition for your talents, keep talking about compensation“.

The author, Leah Eichler, acknowledged that, like many women, the topic of compensation makes her uncomfortable, especially when it relates to work she loves.

Eichler’s primary recommendation – one I fully endorse – is that we women need to talk about money, and often, so we do not dismiss its importance. Dismissing the importance of money – even, and perhaps most especially when it comes to work we love, or work that is important to our community – leads to so many other issues and difficulties in a woman’s life, than just her financial independence.

And ultimately they are related too; the core paradigm in the Money Breakthrough Method® is this: “How you do money, is how you do everything”.

Here are 3 Tips:

1.  Be Willing to Talk About Money

When you aren’t willing to discuss money – either in a conversation with your spouse, or a negotiation for salary or your fees – you are signaling a whole lot of information. To others, for sure. And more importantly, to yourself. How you feel and think about yourself can be greatly impacted by the weight of the things that you avoid, or tolerate in your life. Your self-worth is worth, well, a lot.

“It never feels good to be underpaid – we know in our hearts this isn’t fair.” Barbara Stewart notes this in her 2011 global research study of 50 women called Rich Thinking: A Global study – A Guide to Building Financial Confidence in Girls and Women.

We know there are a lot of reasons for the continued gender pay gap in the workplace, and here in Canada we have experienced over 20 years of pay equity laws in most provinces (my current home province of British Columbia being a glaring exception) designed to remedy a good portion of that gap. I know these impacted and changed the financial situation of a lot of women and their families – I witnessed it first hand during my ten years as a mediator and chief legal counsel with the Ontario Pay Equity Commission.

And yet, I’ve come to understand how deep the gap goes and that real change must happen in women’s inner lives, as much as outer change in society at large. How you value yourself, and the work you do – even when it’s work you love – impacts how you stand up for your worth, and how you ask others to recognize it too. And talking about money in that regard is one important way you can stand up for your worth.

2.  Aim For 1% Increase

No – I don’t mean aim for a 1% increase in your negotiations. (I know you can do better!)

Apply the 1% Increase Rule here: aim for 1% more courage, tenacity and perseverance with each opportunity to have a conversation about money. Sooner than you think, you will realise you have mastered your discomfort, fear and avoidance of money conversations. Hey, the compound effect works here too.

I believe having money conversations is so important, I included an entire module in the Clear Your Money Clutter program that is devoted to how to have a difficult conversation around money.

3.  Value What You Do, and More Money Will Follow

It’s a very old paradigm that suggested that we shouldn’t get paid a lot for doing what we love; it simply doesn’t fit with our modern western society – where women are increasingly the main breadwinner in their families and two income couples are the norm.

The opposite notion can be equally misleading – that of “Do what you love, and the money will follow”. Do what you love, by all means. And value what you do. Your self-worth will thank you.

Discover how what you do is valuable to others. And find out how that value translates into a monetary value.

And then talk about it.

Learn how to ask for more, how to negotiate, how to charge what you are worth. You know in your heart it will feel good.

So please. Talk about money. Don’t be shy.

 

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